Fade to Black: A three times test of marathon dedication

It’s a true November miracle that I found time to write this week after devoting an obscene amount of time sorting through the ridiculous number of “(______) For Tigerfest 2010” Facebook groups I’ve been invited to, but time I found.

And this time of year, time is quite the commodity, which makes things like Thanksgiving break and winter break all the more foreign because of all the free time than many of us find ourselves confronted with.

Traditionally, on that Wednesday we have off for Thanksgiving, I find myself by three o’clock in the afternoon dumbfounded as to what to do with myself, usually resorting to coma-inducing levels of Comedy Central and Mountain Dew. And I’m not okay with laziness.

Productive laziness, however, is an entirely different game altogether, which is why I now motion for a different way to spend your break, undertaking possibly one of the greatest time-killing endeavors known to man: the movie marathon.

Here and now, for your current benefit and future viewing pleasure, I present three marathons worthy of an undertaking (in ascending difficulty).

Bear in mind these are not easy things to get through, and require the highest of diligence and lowest of drive to accomplish anything that day.

The first marathon is a tradition amongst my friends and me: the original “Star Wars” trilogy.

They’re classics, and therefore lend themselves to multitasking – bring a handheld video game system, surf the web on your laptop, or even read a comic book (I wouldn’t dare recommend reading anything of literary significance lest you defeat the purpose of this entire enterprise).

Not many movie sagas tell such a complete story from beginning to end, from first film to last, as these films do.

You leave your couch feeling fulfilled, sensing of glimmer of hope that good will always triumph over evil.

Don’t worry, that massive headache you probably have by now is nothing another Mountain Dew can’t fix.

The next and more difficult marathon to embark on is the “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy.

But wait, there’s an addendum to that: The Extended Edition DVD’s. A single LOTR film is marathon enough, the shortest of the films clocking in just under three hours.

The three theatrical versions in succession are tough enough as a marathon, but the real test is the Extended Edition.

The extended “The Return of the King” is a nice 250 minutes long – over four hours. By the end, you’ll be more worn out and frustrated than Tom Bombadil’s personal assistant (some Middle Earth humor).

 I’ve yet to attempt a “Rings” marathon, and I don’t think I’ll get to for quite some time. But if you’re feeling ambitious and happen to have 12 hours to kill, the glory will be all yours for completing this one.

This final marathon is not for the faint of heart – it will test your will, your emotional fortitude, and your patience: the “Rocky” series.

This might require you to put down some money to purchase all six films, but the ends justify the means. If you already own all six, skip to the end of the article because you’ve most likely done this marathon before (many times).

While 639 minutes might be less than the “Rings” trilogy, sitting through ten hours of Sylvester Stallone, slow motion, and montages will test your will like nothing ever has.

Do not attempt this unless you live near a Costco and have easy access large quantities of caffeine-filled products.

I take no responsibility for any mental scarring that may result from an overload of Sylvester Stallone (for all you med students, a Stallonerdose).

If you decide to embark on one of these marathons over the coming months, best of luck and bon voyage!

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